A little about a lot

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Aug. 28

Today is not my favorite day.

I'm sick. Picture a big walking, throbbing nose.

Woke up at 6 a.m. so I could give a presentation about Greensburg to the Lion's Club. Really didn't make it out of bed till 6:20 and then in a panic. They meet at 7 a.m. at, not kidding - a funeral home.

When I got to the funeral home I went in what I thought was the south door. Really, it was the north door (no internal compass) and I was dangerously close to the embalming room. I FREAKED OUT, and then woke up some lady sleeping on a couch.

Drove to work. I am fish sitting for a co-worker. It's a beta named Spot and every time I come to my desk after being away for awhile, Spot goes NUTS in his little bowl. I'd like to think he is happy to see me, but I think it is more like "DIE DIE DIE!" So, the fish hates me.

About 11 a.m., after four hours of work and going to one assignment, I realized my shirt was on backward.

Went home for lunch, snorted a baking soda/salt/water mixture up my nose, slipped into a coma for 45 minutes, woke up, turned my shirt around and came back to work.

It is now 1:50 p.m. I feel like I've had enough of this day.

Friday, August 01, 2008

a 13-pound day. No wait. A 12-pound day.

So, I'm getting married in 57 days. The only reason I know the amount of days is because The Knot tells me so every time I log in. Right now it's kind of fun because 57 days is, like, LONG. But I'm thinking when it's 15 days or something along those lines I'm going to be all "15 days! 15 days! Are they counting today in that?!"

Anyhow. 57 days. That should be enough to lose 10 pounds right? I mean. It's more like 8-12 pounds depending on the day and if I'm wearing my lose jeans that make me feel skinny or my tight jeans that make me want to leave work and literally run home and then eat ice for the next three weeks.

Which leads me to this:

Oprah, in all her glorious wisdom, has posted this article on her web site about women's crazy weight math.

An excerpt:
"Most women know that it is possible to immediately gain 15 pounds by eating one pint of Ben & Jerry's. And when it comes to your butt (which can enlarge six sizes in the wrong pair of jeans), the rules of physics no longer apply.
We need a better way to quantify these fluctuations -- a formula that goes beyond your BMI and calculates the feel of overweight. So I propose the personal body image index (PBII).

The general idea is as follows:

• Start with your weight.
• Subtract seven pounds if you have just worked out.
• Add five if you've single-handedly finished a plate of guacamole and chips; four for macaroni and cheese; six for death-by-chocolate cake.
• Subtract 10 pounds if people nearby are fatter than you.
• If you're wearing black pants, subtract two; if in a bathing suit, add eight."

Yes! It is ridiculous how true this is!

So, along those lines, today I started out about five pounds lighter because I put on my "tight" jeans for the sole purpose of reminding myself that I did not need to eat my weight in food today and found them to 1. look damn good and 2. not be toooo tight, just snug.

It's now 3 p.m. on the nose and I've gained those five pounds back and probably another 8 on top of that because my boss brought in donuts and I ate three.

Wait, wait - subtract a pound because I'm only drinking water today. No soda. Which doesn't do anything to my weight but makes me feel healthier in general.