A little about a lot

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Dirty feet

This morning, a group from my church went over this passage.

Close your eyes and imagine watching this...

3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"

7Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."

8"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."

9"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"

10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them.

Now, imagine that Jesus is kneeling before you, not fully clothed, washing your feet.

How uncomfortable are you?

As I imagined that very thing, it made me just want to fall on my face. It makes me uncomfortable not only because I'm not worthy - and I'll never be worthy, but also because it's scary to allow Jesus to be that intimate. But, as He said in this passage "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this all... I know that it makes me uncomfortalbe, but I don't know exactly what that says about me. Probably that I have some trust issues and also that I don't want to acknowledge the depths to which God went to save unworthy, unclean me.

Also, this is a powerful vision of what servanthood should really look like - humbling yourself before someone with no concern for your pride - in order to serve them and love them.

Any thoughts?

Friday, February 17, 2006

My favorite memories

These are kinda chronological:

I would pretend I was asleep so dad would carry me to bed. I think he prolly knew.

Mom used to read Steve and I the "little" books. The books themselves were little, but they were about people called the littles...or something like that.

When we lived at the Freeman place (different from the "home place" where I lived most of my life) Steve and I would go to the woods and explore. He'd find geods, I'd dig in the dirt.

Grandpa Hall used to give us ice cream bars. They were sooo good.

Nanaw Hall gave us orange slices with powdered sugar. We ate them in the living room for some reason. Also very tasty.

For years Steve, Mom and I would go the the Chapman swimming pool with Janet Gfeller and Heather, Heath and Darren. Mom and Janet would lay out, eat laffy taffy and read while the kids played. One time Darren almost drown. That was exciting.

Par used to cut an apple in half and cut out the core. Then he's stick the apple back together so it looked whole. I called them magic apples.

When I road into the Chapman COOP with Dad during harvest, the guy who worked there would always give me candy.

Once we moved to the home place, we were a lot closer to the Gfellers and we spent a whole summer cleaning out a hayloft to make into a clubhouse. We even had a makeshift pool table.

When I was a fifth or sixth grader, I think I spent every weekend and all summer with Allison. We went four-wheeling, checked calves, skinny dipped, got caught, played the computer, ate fruit by the foot, and swam in her pool in the middle of the night. Those were my favorite summers.

When I was in middle school and Steve was in high school, he gave me a ride to school in the morning. I don't know if we even talked on the way there. Surely we did. Anyway, I love that memory. I had no idea at that time that someday I would treasure the time I spent with him.

I don't remember seventh grade, but I remember eighth grade. It was a blast. I was part of a group of about 15 girls and boys who hung out and really had a lot of pretty innocent fun. I got to play A team basketball and we won NCKL. I met Jackie and started a life-long friendship.

Since I was 2 years old, I went to dance lessons. When I was little, the recitals were the best part. When I got older, the weekly time with Mom was the best part. Plus, now I have nice legs.

Basketball memories from high school: playing JV as a freshman, playing varsity as a sophomore, playing my fifth eligible quarter on JV as a junior. The best part was playing with Stacy, Felicia and Mo all of those years. I loved the white uniforms. They were so heavy.

Starting my junior year, I spent almost every Monday night in at Nanaw and Par's watching sitcoms with Nanaw. I loved waking up there and talking to Nanaw before I went to school and reading the note Par had left me.

The summers of my high school years were spent lifeguarding with my friend Melissa. I was with her all the time. We watched and re-watched Liar Liar and Kippendorfs tribe too many times to count. We also liked to eat fruit salads late at night on the trampoline.

My first year of lifeguarding with the Fort Riley guards - Beth, Molly, Erik, Valente - was an absolute blast. Lifegaurding all day, playing all night, living in a bathing suit. It was the first time I realized that people actually DID some of these crazy things I had heard the "older kids" talking about.

Sophomore year I joined the Collegian and was a senior staff writer my second semester. I felt like I was writing ALL the time. Eight stories a week - that's about what I do now. :) I covered Student Body President elections and was pretty sure one of the older writers hated me because I was covering her ex-boyfriend's race. I gave the VP candidate a hug when he started crying after they lost. And I hated Altaf Karim.

The summer after my sophomore year, I met Katie at Fort Riley. The girl with tatoos and quite a mouth on her - but a beautiful heart. We spent many hours playing speed and just talking on her balcony. Her dog, Kiki, peed on EVERYTHING. Even Luke Miller.

There was this spot in Manhattan - out by Tuttle I guess, near Living Water Ranch. I would go there when I needed "think" time. It was beautiful. I'd sit on my carhood and look out over the lake, and the rolling hills. One of them had a cross on it and rocks that spelled out "Jesus is Lord."

My junior year, I started teaching swimming lessons at Fort Riley during the winter and spring. I got really, really good at it and the Fort Riley paper took a picture of one of my classes. 13 little kids and me. It was a blast. I still have the picture.

I spent a lot of my time my junior and senior years with Jackie, Mark and Brennon. Eating, watching movies ... eating ... watching movies - is that all we did?

The summer after my senior year I worked in Salina as a general assignment reporter. One of the calls I went out on was a flood in Assiria. I interviewed a couple who was trying to salvage all they could from their basement, which had been completely underwater the night before. Jeff the photographer was with me. As we drove away, he said, "I feel like a piece of crap." I did, too. It's awful to stand and talk to someone about the horrible experience they are having and not be able to help.

October 2004 was amazing. I had no job and just spent the whole month traveling, watching the seasons change and hanging out with my friend Ehren.

After I moved to Kansas City, Aunt Sheri came up to visit. She took me to see the Plaza lights. I remember sitting up on a hill in her warm van and just looking over the plaza. It really was beautiful. Then we got lost. :)

On my birthday last year, I helped my church with a service project. I worked all day, in the sun and was completely exhausted at the end of the day, but it was amazing. I loved it.

Not too long ago, on a unseasonably warm Friday afternoon, I was headed home to see the fam. I rolled down my windows and Keith Urban's song "Where the blacktop ends" came on. It said exactly what I was feeling. It was just a great feeling.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

More often than not, I should just shut up

It's crazy how God works.

A couple of days ago, I looked up a passage in Ephesians 4 to send to Jackie whose freshman studio class was frustrating her. Within the passage I sent her was the verse "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

This convicted me.

It convicted me of the cuss words that seem to fly out of my mouth lately with me not even realizing it. Sometimes a cuss word is the only one that will work - but usually not. And honestly, in worldly terms, while guys can get away with it - it's not a very classy thing for ladies to do. My great grandmother Edie McCoy was a classy lady. I want to be like her. Mamaw Toy would not have dropped the fbomb.

So I decided to work on the cussing thing - being pretty prideful with semi-subconcious thoughts that while some were struggling with cheating and lying and stealing, I was just struggling with some cussing that really didn't hurt anyone.

But wait.

Last night I went to a Wednesday-night service at my church. This was the scripture we studied:

James 3:1-12
1Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. (whose bit is in my life? Is it my own, or is it God's?) 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. (Who is my pilot? Am I driving my own ship, or have I given God the wheel?) 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

We started talking about how we can start fires with our words that can burn down what took years to grow up. We talked about how the tongue is so powerful because it shows others what is really in our heart.

We talked about how saying "This is going to sound harsh, but I just need to get it out," does not make it OK to let venom fly at some person we're upset at.

And all of a sudden, I realized that cussing was the least of my problems. And that while others might lie, steal or cheat - my words can be - and have been - just as hurtful.

And I'm sorry for that.

Monday, February 13, 2006


So, in the Bible study I'm in right now, "The Mind of Christ," we were asked to make a list of our habits and go through and see if any might not be pleasing to God.

It was really hard because you don't realize what your habits/rituals are because to you they just seem logical. But once I got on a role, it was kinda fun, so I thought I'd share some with you.

Besides, I couldn't think of any other blog topic.

1. Every morning, I eat peanut butter crackers for breakfast. If I have chocolate milk, I eat them with that. If I don't, I eat them with orange juice. If I don't have orange juice, I eat them with water, which isn't as fun.

2. Getting ready routine: wake up, robe, crackers, quiet time, shower, teeth, hair, clothes, powder, blush, eye shadow, mascara, jewelry, pack a lunch, coat, car.

3. Get to work routine: put lunch away, turn computer on and sign in, hang coat up and fill up water bottle, sign into Star program.

Check e-mail, check yahoo e-mail, check gmail, check facebook, check my blog, check brother's blog, check Sarah's blog, check CNN, make some calls, check mag's blog, check anna's blog, check Jackie's blog, work on a lead, e-mail Sarah, check brother's friends' blogs, write something, check my blog and yahoo again, diet coke, write something else, check CNN, eat lunch.

repeat several times, go home.

4. Go to bed routine: turn on electric blanket; wash face, lotion, make at least 10 trips back and forth from bedroom to kitchen (for water) to living room (for reading material), pray, read, lay in bed and think about random stuff, sleep, wake up really hot and turn off electric blanket, go back to sleep.

Other habits:
clicking my tongue when I'm confused
pulling at my eyebrow when I'm focusing (thanks dad)
tapping my fingers on my keys when i'm stuck on something
taking my shoes off
folding my legs underneath me in my chair
tucking my hair behind my ears

Ok, that's all I can think of. Feel free to add your observations.

Monday, February 06, 2006


So, I got this survey from TWO of my friends on Friday. Instead of just sending the blessed thing back to them, I thought I'd share it with all of you.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Alarm: 8 a.m.; Got up: 8:19 a.m.; Got off the couch: 8:38 a.m

2. Diamonds or pearls? I own Diamond earrings, a ring and bracelets and a pearl necklace. Now, let's work on getting me a diamond necklace and a pearl earrings. :)

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? ummm... I think Fever Pitch. But Saturday night I watched "The Brothers Grimm" with Brother and Sister-in-Law. It was seriously the worst movie I have ever seen (outside of the Royal Tennebaums - which I think is in a different category of awful.)

4. What is your favorite TV show? Grey's Anatomy. I also like Cosby, MASH and The Golden Girls.

5. What did you have for breakfast this morning? Peanut Butter Crackers and OJ

6. What's your favorite cuisine? Mexican or anything I can get at the Power House.

7. What foods do you dislike? Sweet meat (I'm with ya Jack) and Chinese food.

8. What is your favorite chip flavor? Original Lays.

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Casting Crowns (good for my soul) or Shooter Jennings (I think I'm in love with him.)

10. What kind of car do you drive? Chevy Cavalier

11. Favorite sandwich? Par Sandwich. (Par is my grandpa. He makes the best sandwiches on earth and always serves them with Original Lays and a Dr. Pepper.)

12. What characteristics do you despise? manipulative, liar, apathy

13. Favorite item of clothing? For bumming: Cut-off paint-splattered K-State pants and a wife beater/ gym shorts and a sweatshirt. For work: jean skirt and black turtle neck. For going out: Gap jeans and v-neck sweater. For the rest of the time: loose jeans and a sweatshirt.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Switzerland.

15. What color is your house? Mostly white with black, pale pink, tuquoise and tan stripes and polka-dots depending on what room you're in.

16. Favorite brand of clothing? Gap, although I just bought some Brooks Brother sweaters and I think it's a good think I don't have enough money to afford stuff like that except when it's on sale, or I might be addicted.

17. Where would you retire to? Home - central Kansas. But maybe I could have a beachhouse or something, too.

18. Favorite time of the day? 3 p.m. Not sure why. I guess because the workday is almost over, but there's still a lot of time to get stuff done.

19. What was your most memorable birthday? ahhh...not sure. Probabably 21st, although the 22nd was really good, too. We had a girl's night at Jackie's apt. and it was a lot of fun. I can't remember 23 and this past year I just remember being really, really tired.

20. Where were you born? Abilene, abilene - prettiest town I've ever seen.

21. Favorite sport to watch? geez... I dunno. Probably baseball with Par.

22. What I should be doing right now: Calling Parks and Recreation Departments for a story.

23. Best thing about today: Still on a "just saw brother and sister-in-law" high.

24. What fabric detergent do you use? ahhhh... I don't know. This is a stupid question. How about this: Tell me something about you that I don't already know: Because I'm a prideful person, every morning I have to get on my knees and humble myself before God. Someday, I hope it will just come naturally - right now, I have to make myself do it.

25. Were you named after anyone? Yup - my great grandmothers - My first name comes from my mom's grandmother - Eda Mae. My middle name comes from my dad's grandmother Sarah Elizabeth.

26. Do you wish on stars? no, but I am in awe of them.

27. When did you last cry? Let's see... last week sometime - I was thinking about Nanaw.

28. Do you like your handwriting? nope. It's really, really messy. I like how I type tho. :)

29. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Heck yeah. I'm barrels of fun. No, seriously, I would maybe make a good friend now, but I might not have liked me in high school.

30. Are you a daredevil? umm...define daredevil. I think my driving habits might qualify me.

31. Do looks matter? Yes. We have to play within society's rules even if we don't agree with them if we want to survive. The way we present ourselves tells others a lot about us - and not just what we HOPE our looks say about us.

32. How do you release anger? My face flushes. If it's anger at a source, I throw my pen across the room or yell at the phone after I hang up. If it's anger at someone I love, I cry.

33. Where is your second home? Chapman or KC, depending on where my first home is. I'd say home away from home is Par's house.

34. What were your favorite toys as a child? playing pretend, My Little Ponies.

35. What class in High School was totally useless? ummmm... I don't really remember. Junior English was pretty annoying.

36. Do you use sarcasm a lot? nope.

37. Favorite movies? I love Disney movies the most and my fav. Disney movies are Robin Hood, The Emporer's New Groove, Mulan, Lilo and Stitch and 101 Dalmations.

38. What are your nicknames? eeds, Daisy Mae, deecee (from Yoda because I love dark chocolate.) One of my bosses calls me "scoop" and another one says I'm the energizer bunny.

39. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no

40. Do you think that you are strong? Yes. Wait, no. I think I'm weak, but I can rely on God's strength.

41. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Mint Chocolate Chip.

42. What are your favorite colors? Green, pale pink, black and some shades of blue and red.

43. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I'm untrusting and a control freak. Also, I try to "fix" things too much.

44. Who do you miss the most? Devin. Not like that. I just miss laughing with him.

45. If you didn't do what you do, what would you do? I'd be a lifeguard.

46. What color pants are you wearing? grey with pink pinstripes.

47. What are you listening to right now? 3 doors down

49. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Green, blue - something simple.

50. Last person you talked to on the phone? Brother

51. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Shoulders and then eyes.

52. Favorite Drink? Water or diet coke.

53. Do you wear contacts? nope

54. Favorite Day(s) of the Year? Christmas, Fourth of July.

55. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy endings

56. Summer or winter? Summer without question

57. Hugs or Kisses? Hugs (especially from Anna, Emily and Par.) Kisses on the forehead are good, too.

58. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? mmmm...those rice krispie things covered with Chocolate that Jackie makes or Yoda Choco-chip cookies or carrot cookies. OOOOHHH - or Aunt Sheri's Dishpan cookies.

59. Favorite Book(s): Redeeming Love, Mere Christianity, The Great Divorce, Screwtape Letters, The Kite Runner, Harry Potter and The BFG. I'm reading the Pilgrim's Regress right now. It's hard to understand, but oh so good.

60. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Nothing, it's just blue.

61. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? The Super Bowl.

62. Favorite Smells? Rain at night, lilacs.

63. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles.

64. What's the furthest you've been from home? physically: Paderno Del Grappa, Italy or Russia. spiritually: prolly my sophomore year of college.